a meme i made a while back and love it, a perfect picture for someone who iritates the shit outta ya lol
- 21st March
2012 - 21
- 15th March
2012 - 15
i dont even have a reply to this…………………….
- 6th March
2012 - 06
- 6th March
2012 - 06
- 26th February
2012 - 26
Wonder Pill
A woman walks into her sex therapists office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and they never have sex anymore, and asks what to do about it. The therapist tells her that she has an experimental drug that might do the trick. She tells the woman to give her husband one pill that night and come back in the morning and tell her what happened.
The next day, the woman comes in ecstatic telling the therapist that the pill worked and she and her husband had the best sex ever. She asks her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills and the therapist says she doesnt know, but to go ahead and try it.
The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist that the sex was even better than the night before and what would happen if she gave him five pills. The therapist says she doesnt know, but to go ahead and try it.
The next day, the woman comes in limp but happy, and tells the therapist that the sex just keeps getting better and what would happen if she gave her husband the rest of the bottle. The therapist says she doesnt know; its an experimental drug and she doesnt know what a full bottle could do to a person.
Anyway, the woman leaves the therapists office and put the rest of the bottle of pills in the husbands morning coffee.
A week later, a boy walks into the therapists office and says:
“Are you the dumb fuck who gave my mother a bottle of experimental pills?”
“Why, yes, young man, I did.Why?”
“Well, moms dead, my sisters pregnant, my ass hurts, and dads sittin in the corner going “Here, kitty, kitty, kitty…”
- 26th February
2012 - 26
Nude Running
A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway.
“Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes,” she yelled to her lover. “And jump out the window. My husband’s home early!”
“I can’t jump out the window!” came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. “It’s raining out there!”
“If my husband catches us in here, he’ll kill us both!” she replied.
“He’s got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems!”
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!
As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town’s annual marathon.
He started running along beside the others about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to “blend in” as best he could.
It wasn’t that effective!
After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
“Do you always run in the nude?” one asked.
“Oh yes” he replied, gasping in air. “It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you’re running.”
Another runner moved alongside. “Do you always run carrying your clothes under your arm?”
“Oh, yes” our friend answered breathlessly. “That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!”
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. “Do you always wear a condom when you run?”
“Only if it’s raining.”
- 26th February
2012 - 26
Funny Jokes For The Ladies
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes. It’s our job to stomp them, and then keep them in the dark until they mature. And hopefully they’ll turn out to be something we would like to have dinner with. Top 10 Things Men Know About Women If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? Q: What’s the best way to kill a man? Q: Why do men whistle when they’re sitting on the toilet? Q: What is the difference between men and women:…. Q. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize 1 egg ? Q: How does a man keep his youth? Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? THE HUSBAND LINEUP Men Are Like…. Men are like…..Mascara. Men are like…..Bike helmets. Men are like…..Government bonds. Men are like…..Parking spots. Men are like…..Copiers. Men are like…..Lava lamps. Men are like…..Bank accounts. Men are like…..High heels. Men are like…..Curling irons. Men are like…..Mini skirts. Men are like…..Bananas. Top 10 List of what Moms REALLY wanted for Mother’s Day Q: Why do men masturbate? Q: Why were men given larger brains than dogs? Q: How many men does it take to put the toilet seat down?
10:
9:
8:
7:
6:
5:
4:
3:
2:
1:
A: Put a pretty blonde and a six-pack in front of him. Then tell him to pick only one.
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need…A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
A. They don’t stop for directions.
A: By giving HER money, furs and diamonds.
A: Rename the mail folder to “instruction manuals”
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven. The Lord comes and says “I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St Peter.” Said and done, the next time The Lord looked the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. The Lord got mad and said, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?” And the man replied, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here”
Men are like…..Placemats.
They only show up when there’s food on the table.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.
They take so long to mature.
The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.
You need them for reproduction, but that’s about it.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.
Without a lot of money, they don’t generate much interest.
They’re easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.
They’re always hot, and they’re always in your hair.
If you’re not careful, they’ll creep up your legs.
The older they get, the less firm they are.
10. To be able to eat a whole candy bar (alone) and drink a soda without any “floaties” (ie, backwash).
9. To have my 14 year-old daughter answer a question without rolling her eyes in that “Why is this person my mother?” way.
8. Five pounds of chocolate that won’t add twenty.
7. A shower without a child peeking through the curtain with a “Hi Ya Mom!” just as I put a razor to my ankle.
6. A full time cleaning person who looks like Brad Pitt.
5. For my teenager to announce “Hey, Mom! I got a full scholarship and a job all in the same day!”
4. A grocery store that doesn’t have candy/gum/cheap toys displayed at the checkout line.
3. To have a family meal without a discussion about bodily secretions.
2. To be able to step on a plane with my toddlers and NOT have someone moan, “Oh no! Why me…!”
1. Four words:Fisher Price Play Prison!
A: It’s sex with someone they love.
A: So they wouldn’t hump women’s legs at cocktail parties.
A: Nobody knows, it hasn’t happened yet.
- 25th February
2012 - 25
what the hell?
wtf indeed lol
- 24th February
2012 - 24
30 years of innovation
Someone must be hiding somthing -_-
- 3rd February
2012 - 03
30 years of innovation
Someone must be hiding somthing -_-
- 24th January
2012 - 24
For the lolz :D
- 24th January
2012 - 24
Awkward.
- 24th January
2012 - 24
Like a boss :)
- 24th January
2012 - 24
Damn You Autocorrect
- 22nd January
2012 - 22
Would You Like If Someone Turned You On And Left You There ?
(via fishkilller)
